rip_pinkytoe: (★ I don't know what to do with this. ||)

[personal profile] thor[ profile] terribletuna  << THOR
CABOOSE>> : text : permissions 
rip_pinkytoe: (★ They are going to eat me! ||)

[personal profile] mun:
[personal profile] thor || contact: [ profile] terribletuna || anon: on || screening: off

comments, concerns, advice, crit?

rip_pinkytoe: (★ They are going to eat me! ||)


>> behold <<

if you just cant stand Caboose
thats perfectly understandable. let me know. 
but if you want
some poor schmuk to use as target practice
 to test out that radio active potion you got
to see if a human can outrun that tiger
check to see that transformation spell really works
to make sure that teleporter doesn't turn things inside out
that is fine by me

forthwalling is enjoyed
physical contact is fine
threadjacking is smiled upon
injury and death are hilarious

seriously, you are free to try anything on him
rip_pinkytoe: (Default)
PERSONAL JOURNAL: [personal profile] thor
CONTACT: [ profile] terribletuna

CHARACTER NAME: Private Michael J. Caboose'
SERIES: Red vs. Blue
AGE: Hard to say, but an adult.


PERSONALITY: Caboose was born on a base on the moon with seventeen sisters. As a young adult he signed up for the army mistaking it for a college. Once signed up he was stationed at Blood Gulch Alpha as the newest member of the Blue Team. At this point in time he is a super-genius. Compared to the rest of his life, I mean. Compared to the general population, he was still pretty stupid.

When he arrives to Station Blood Gulch Alpha, he almost immediately gets off on the wrong side of Church -- Church is a circle, in this sense, because there is almost never a right side of Church. But by calling Church’s ex-girlfriend Tex a slut, Caboose quickly started a chain of events that would soon turn him into the second stupidest life form to exist. Ever.

He tries to apologize to Church for calling Tex a slut, and surely if he had known Tex beforehand he wouldn't say such things (as he is completely terrified of her), but it is too late. A series of events have already been triggered and no amount of time traveling could possibly alter the end results (seriously, just ask Church sometime.) You see, calling Tex a slut caused Church to make Caboose guard The Flag. Our genius at first couldn't comprehend why The Flag was so important, but he learned to accept that "it just was." Regardless, our genius here accidentally gave the enemy team the flag and then managed to -- again, accidentally -- shoot Church in the face with a tank -- within the same fifteen minutes, and Church did not survive.

This is followed by more death, an evil AI, Caboose getting possessed by said evil AI, a one-sided relationship with a talking tank, more ghosts, time traveling, teleporting, end of the world explosions, alien babies, more freelancers, and more Church-killing. Much more.

All because he had to piss Church off and call Tex a slut.

The story of Caboose is that he is trapped in an endless cycle. A cycle of utter stupidity. It starts with him being incredibly stupid, so stupid and eccentric that nobody likes him. This unlikeability leads to things which lead to other things which results in the loss of the few, precious brain cells he has left. Things such putting multiple AI's in his head at once (something that is known to cause mental instability and brain damage). Things like turning off his suit, which takes a lot longer to boot up then expected, and depriving him off oxygen. All of these things lead to a level of stupidity and eccentricity that it’s almost unbearable for the rest of Blood Gulch, and when he becomes possessed by the evil A.I, he became as evil as he is an idiot, resulting in a pain in the ass for everybody.

Like all idiots, he doesn’t mean to do all the things he does. He’s done a fatal amount of damage to Church on several occasions -- but he was actually trying to help Church, initially. It’s almost like a superpower: if Church is trying to do something, whether it be an elaborate plan or just trying to remain alive, Caboose will ruin it. He doesn’t feel guilty about it, though, since he was only trying to help, and because: “we don’t believe shooting a friend in the back occasionally … is that big a deal.”

Caboose has a picture of everybody he knows in his head, and they are all way off. In his head, Church is his very best friend in the world and in reality Church has tried to shoot Caboose many times (and succeeded once, resulting in the casualty of one pinky toe). Still, Caboose relies on Church, to the point where he even stated that he expects Church to do all his thinking for him. Church doesn't, so the thinking usually just doesn't get done.

ABILITIES: Caboose is strong enough to flip over cars and tanks with little to no effort. When he gets angry and thinks “angry thoughts”, for instance, mean kittens, he goes into a berserk rage capable of a mass amount of destruction. You will know this has happened when he speaks in a low voice and starts smashing things, but he wont remember it after his spree of mayhem has ended. When he’s not in this berserk mode, however, he probably can’t remember how to use his gun. Other special abilities include: team-killing, annoying the hell out of people, more team-killing, some regular killing, and thwarting and team-killing Church. Sorry, Church.

POSSESSIONS: Assault riffle filled with crayons, MJOLNIR Mark VI body armor: blue, MJOLNIR Mark V helmet; blue, washcloth, and six toothbrushes.

JOURNAL ENTRY SAMPLE: Hello, hello any-persons or people or... not. Hello, come in. This is Private Caboose requesting, uh, personified evacuation and comparisons... uh. Um.

[ He's actually throwing words out there, but he has no idea what they mean. ]

My foot is stuck and there are big worms.

[ Caboose, unaware the video is on, can be seen with his foot literally stuck in the sand, and a couple of parasites on his visor, wiggling around. ]

I would like it if they were not on me anymore.

THIRD-PERSON SAMPLE: He knew what it meant when his teammates were huddling behind a rock and a giant machine gun -- one that seemingly never ran out of bullets or even needed to reload -- was firing at them continuously. It meant they were screwed, and he was the only person that could do something about it, because he was the only one that had a giant tank.

As soon as he hopped in a female voice started talking to him. "Hello. And thank you for activating the N808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila."

He didn't catch all that, but he might as well be polite. "Hello, Sheila. Uh, big tank lady."

"Would you like me to run the tutorial program?"

"Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you."

"Turtorial program activated. This program is intended -- " He ignored her, because he was already trying to focus on all these buttons -- damn, he loved buttons. If only he knew which ones did what, though.

"Let's begin with some driving."

He wasn't sure how, but he was moving now. He went straight for almost ten seconds when he started going backwards. That was when Sheila gave him control of driving.

He intended to go towards Church and Tucker -- that is what he thought he intended, anyway -- but somehow he had managed to be on the exact opposite side of the canyon and on top of a rock. He was too busy looking at the dashboard to see where he was going anymore, though. And he found himself spinning in circles on top of a rock less than a quarter of the size of the actual tank. He was pretty sure this was not how you were supposed to drive a tank, but Sheila assured him that he had certainly mastered driving, and he moved on to reviewing the safety features.

"No, wait, go back -- why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?!"

Frantically, he was pushing buttons and switches with his head in the dashboard as he continued to urge Sheila to go back to the driving tutorial when the tank stopped. He looked up and lo and behold, two Reds. How had he gotten here?

“This tank is equipped with an autofire sequence that can be activated by pressing the ‘auto fire’ button.”

Damn, he loved buttons. He started pressing all of them.

“Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated.”

He did it, he worked the tank! The Reds were running away! They might have had a big gun but this, most certainly, was better. This was a tank.

“Firing main cannon.”

And most importantly, now the Blues will like him, again!

“All targets eliminated. Acquiring new target.”

He was practically a hero.


“That’s not a target,” Caboose said, suddenly paying attention again. “That’s Church.”

Church who looked so happy to see him, for maybe the first time ever.

“Target locked.”

“No, target unlock! Unlock!” Caboose tried all of the buttons again. He’d just saved them! Targets didn’t need locking! Not right now! “Please help me, nice lady!”

“Firing main canon,” Sheila said, like she didn’t even care.

… Church wasn’t going to be happy.


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February 2012

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